5. You must be absolutely sure that your team is terrible 
We've seen those teams. Some of them are just so bad that there seems like there is no way out of the hell they've created for themselves. Sometimes they're so bad you're almost laughing every time they do something stupid. Whether it be a bad trade, dropped fly ball, missed lay-up, or blown tackle it is all good comical fun to where you turn to your friends and say "Hahahaha, did you see Jones, he was totally REJECTED by the second round pick out of Southern Oregon, hold on, let me rewind that play!" If you've seen yourself doing this the relationship has been soured because you no longer feel the pain associated with those actions. Acknowledging the fact that your "defensive back couldn't tackle a small girl" and being okay with it means it's time to move on for good.
4. You have to understand that there is no going back once you've left
The hard part with divorcing your team is that there is no break-up sex. It's just a cold turkey, walk out of the door-type divorce that leaves you clutching your picture of Joey Harrington you bought his rookie year. These type of divorces are usually the hardest to sustain because you can't be tempted to go back if all of a sudden they are wearing new outfits, they're popular, they've bought a new house, and have young athletic guys that are a part of their new entourage. You can't get jealous. You cannot look back. They'll try and tell you that they've changed and they will promise to get better. They're really committed this time and they've even gotten rid of the people that influenced bad decisions. They've bought a new place and are offering you a place if you want it. They make you think you're REALLY going to miss something. You've heard this before, but no, they're not going to get better, they're just going to continue to bend you over, take your wallet, and leave you sore where the sun doesn't shine.
3. You MUST get rid of all of the momentos
We've all got the stuff. The pictures, the memories, the pain, the good times, the initial courtship (Tampa Bay is getting a professional baseball team??!!) the outings, and in some cases even the championships (Boston Bruins, 1972 champs baby!!). But all of that stuff must fade to black. If the last time you celebrated with your significant other was over 30 years ago, the well has run dry and it's time to replenish. They don't care about you, the money you spend, the way you defend them when people acknowledge that they're no good, and the time you've spent chasing them around sometimes from city to city just to be by their side. They're interested in themselves and nobody else. You're a fly on the wall so you have to make the memories part of the garbage.
We've seen those teams. Some of them are just so bad that there seems like there is no way out of the hell they've created for themselves. Sometimes they're so bad you're almost laughing every time they do something stupid. Whether it be a bad trade, dropped fly ball, missed lay-up, or blown tackle it is all good comical fun to where you turn to your friends and say "Hahahaha, did you see Jones, he was totally REJECTED by the second round pick out of Southern Oregon, hold on, let me rewind that play!" If you've seen yourself doing this the relationship has been soured because you no longer feel the pain associated with those actions. Acknowledging the fact that your "defensive back couldn't tackle a small girl" and being okay with it means it's time to move on for good.
4. You have to understand that there is no going back once you've left
The hard part with divorcing your team is that there is no break-up sex. It's just a cold turkey, walk out of the door-type divorce that leaves you clutching your picture of Joey Harrington you bought his rookie year. These type of divorces are usually the hardest to sustain because you can't be tempted to go back if all of a sudden they are wearing new outfits, they're popular, they've bought a new house, and have young athletic guys that are a part of their new entourage. You can't get jealous. You cannot look back. They'll try and tell you that they've changed and they will promise to get better. They're really committed this time and they've even gotten rid of the people that influenced bad decisions. They've bought a new place and are offering you a place if you want it. They make you think you're REALLY going to miss something. You've heard this before, but no, they're not going to get better, they're just going to continue to bend you over, take your wallet, and leave you sore where the sun doesn't shine.
3. You MUST get rid of all of the momentos
We've all got the stuff. The pictures, the memories, the pain, the good times, the initial courtship (Tampa Bay is getting a professional baseball team??!!) the outings, and in some cases even the championships (Boston Bruins, 1972 champs baby!!). But all of that stuff must fade to black. If the last time you celebrated with your significant other was over 30 years ago, the well has run dry and it's time to replenish. They don't care about you, the money you spend, the way you defend them when people acknowledge that they're no good, and the time you've spent chasing them around sometimes from city to city just to be by their side. They're interested in themselves and nobody else. You're a fly on the wall so you have to make the memories part of the garbage.
2. Just because you've left them, doesn't mean that you should go for the hottest thing around
So you've finally decided to divorce your team and you're in search of a new one. As one of my rules for sports fans states, "you cannot choose the most best team as your favorite team." It's blasphemous and a smack in the face to the people that are from that area or root for teams in that general area. Nobody made the Pirates suck, not even you, that doesn't mean that you can become a Yankees fan over night. By default, you've got to pick the closest team geographically to you as a rebound. Trust me, if you're leaving your team, the closest team will give you a new experience you've never felt before and hope can be renewed.
So you've finally decided to divorce your team and you're in search of a new one. As one of my rules for sports fans states, "you cannot choose the most best team as your favorite team." It's blasphemous and a smack in the face to the people that are from that area or root for teams in that general area. Nobody made the Pirates suck, not even you, that doesn't mean that you can become a Yankees fan over night. By default, you've got to pick the closest team geographically to you as a rebound. Trust me, if you're leaving your team, the closest team will give you a new experience you've never felt before and hope can be renewed.
1. Understand that we've all felt your pain.... Every fan has felt it. That stinging blow that never goes away whether it be the decades of sucking or the quick moment of despair, here's a quick and painful reminder of what we've all gone through
-1988-Earnest Byner fumble
-1988-Earnest Byner fumble
The Pittsburgh Pirates 1982-Present
-The Tampa Bay Devil Rays 1998-Present
-Steve Bartman
-The 2007 NBA Western Conference Semi-finals (grab my gun)
Buckner
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