Thursday, August 9, 2007

Dear Mr. Bonds

An Letter to Barry Bonds,

Mr. Bonds, first I wanted to congratulate you on your most incredible of feats. Hitting that many home runs requires patience, strength, committment, and longevity. People stopped pitching to you for much of your career and you still managed to do something great. As a soon to be alumnus of Arizona State University I understand how much you meant to the progression of our quality baseball program en route to MLB superstardom as well.......

With that aside, you suck. For over a decade you have crushed some of the most important records in all of sports. Normally, of course, that wouldn't be a problem. Even for a social pariah such as yourself anybody that could do what you did would be absolutely amazing. My biggest problem though is that I don't know if there is anyone who deserved this less. Yes, you are very good at what you do, but you and your team haven't been relevant in at least five years, you're far past your prime, you are completely one dimensional, and of course, you play for a rival of my Diamondbacks which makes you suck even more.

I've read Game of Shadows and I learned one very clear thing. You've been using steroids for years to increase your performance at the plate. Most myopic sports nuts in the Bay Area will still say there's no proof. Grand jury testimony convinces me that there is plenty of proof you were on the juice. Yes, I know that there must have been dozens of other players doing the exact same thing, but you are at the center of it all, and it's all your fault. Nobody thrust you in that light, you welcomed it wholeheartedly. Now you complain continually of the coverage you've received. Welcome to the real world Barry. A place that has eluded you for much of your adult life.

Lastly, I really hope you recognize what you've done to your body, your family, and Major League Baseball. No one person has had more of an impact on the game than you and you are easily the worst choice for a league that is struggling internally anyway. I can guarantee that in about five years we'll see you admitting yourself to a hospital due to serious injury or checking into rehab for substance abuse. Even the guys who enjoyed the greatest of accolades like John Elway still struggled after their career was over. You aren't going to be any different. You're getting old, you're not going to be raking in any money, and nobody outside of northern California can appreciate what you've done so resting on your records is a bad idea. No one will invite you to speak. No one will invite you to throw first pitches. No one will even want to give you an interview. You're going to fade away into the abyss until Alex Rodriguez breaks your record and then we can finally forget about you. You're going to die before your 60th birthday because of the poison in your body and I will feel bad for you then, but it won't come before years of physical and mental breakdowns. I'm fortunate I don't care about baseball that much so I can turn my focus to this weekend's Cardinals/Radiers game. Enjoy your long off-season because it will be your last

The Double-U Show

2 comments:

LeftLeaningLady said...

Well said.

Ulysses said...

It's really a shame that Barry Bonds couldn't have been blessed with the strength of character to match his extraordinary gifts. Oh well...